Thursday, May 6, 2010

BEDOM - Death of a stick of butter


Icy cold water drips on mah back, bloody 'ell, not again. Mah wrappin's are comin' loose and that distgustin' water from teh fridge is leakin' into mah soft buttery body. No one's gonna want a piece of this now. Plus I'm sure as 'ell mah expiration date was well over five days ago.
Jeepers, the slackers that work here... I should be well retirin' into a nice dry fridge by now. Some life on the shelf I've been livin'

I of'en fantasize of teh days I could have been havin' instead of getting mah buttocks wet sittin' in this old heap, watching the young ones fly off and inter shoppin' carts. I could have been transported in one of those pretty lookin' blue and white things and taken to teh beach. Ahh what it would feel like to 'ave teh wrappin's pulled off mah skin so I ken feel teh salt air and the clean sweep of teh knife. I'd cover that bread good with my smooth, yellowy texture; she won't know what hit her buns!
Or even a fancy tea party. I'd be dancing with all sorts of cuties; little triangle sandwiches, muffins, cupcakes and scones! Of all tings why did I haf teh think 'bout that? Oh an' lookin' up at them made up dolls and watching them scrunch their faces if someone were teh offer me on a saucer. Haha, that'll be a laugh. Yes it goes straigh' to yer t'ighs ladies but so does that cheap-imitation-claims-to-be-good-for-yer-margarine!

Oooff! What's happ'nin!? Take yer hands off meh yer little brat! Squeeze any tighter and think I might jus' slop all over teh floor! That'll be one mess yer boss with tank yer fer. Where are yer takin' meh? ...This isn't where we keep teh big freezer. Why yer takin' meh outside fer? I'll melt you ruddy son of a bitch!
The darkness... the stench... what's this piece of asparagus pokin' me in teh behind fer? It's so warm in here. I feel so tired. Maybe I'll just take a short nap and sort out how ter get inter teh big fridge later on. Yeah...sounds like a good plan. I'm all loosey goosey. Has any of you egg shells seen mah wrapper? Excuse me if I look indecent.

Oh no, what's happnin' now? The earth shakes around, me and mah new comrades rattle around. They're screaming: "EARTHQUAKE! TSUNAMI! BLENDER!" We mush together, pressed against each other, like one. And then silence. A dead silence that screams louder than any piece of moldy bread. A blinding light shines upon us, I squint waiting for me eyes ter adjust.

I see... I see....blue. Pale, infinite, blue. Everywhere, it stretches forever.

2 comments:

♥ kabs said...

haha random.

but i really really liked it!!

such an interesting piece to read. where did u come up with the idea? :)

Stephanie Vei-Li said...

Thanks Kabs :)

I was going to do a piece of cheese, but butter seemed to dominate my thoughts at the time lol