Thursday, June 16, 2011

An Open Letter to an Unlawful Citizen

Dear Unlawful Citizen,

You are a thief. But you know that already. I'm going to give you some advice because I like to exercise my need to be a patronizing retail bitch once in a while. After carefully assessing the clothes you've left behind in the fitting room, I think I am more than qualified to give you a few pointers on what to do next time:
  1. If you are going to steal a whole outfit, at least have the decency to remove your tatty Target Plus Sized garments from the fitting room. No one wants to touch that shit. I could see the dead skin cells on your black jeans and your cardigan looked like it started to pill in 1993.
  2. Also, it appears that you do not wash your clothes often... a brown streak around the neckline of a once pale blue cardigan suggests you sweat like a pig and you have never discovered a wonderful thing called laundry powder.
  3. Other than the obvious health risks associated with being size 18, if you lose weight, you will have waaaay more options when you are looking for an outfit to swap. Just think about it, no longer will you have to make your way to the Big Is Beautiful department and look for new clothes that will fit you rather than look good on you. Hmm... I'm starting to get soft on you for your unfortunate physical appearance. But seriously, skinny people are happier because they can steal smaller sized clothing.
  4. Next time you go into a store to get some new threads you don't want to pay for, don't look the sales assistant in the eye. Don't smile at them as they greet you. Because nothing is worse than trusting the way someone smiles and finding out later they have pulled a fast one on you. You are the bad guy, so don't pretend to be good. 
Until the day I find out your real name, I shall refer to you in future conversations as "that overweight, unhygienic, povo thief" because that is exactly what you are. I wish you the best of luck in the future and I hope that one day you get caught; and if you pee a little from being interviewed by a security guard, lets just hope that by then you have illegally acquired a box of Omo.

Sincerely pissed off

Your friendly retail assistant

Friday, April 8, 2011

BEDA: Sh*t yeah, I'm funny


Hey folks, I'm still sick. Have been for the past couple of weeks actually... it's a tad concerning. 
But don't worry, I've had a couple of litres of OJ (with pulp :)), tones of chicken soup, a couple of Doctor Who episodes and a large dose of my Advertising and Marketing text book.

The last one not so fun. 

But videos of cute geeky boys making brownies make me feel better :)

Tomorrow night I'm going to a National Youth Week Awards thingy... 
I'll keep ya'll posted

Thursday, April 7, 2011

BEDA BONUS: I stole these cupcakes from Flickr

[Click photos for source]

Technicolor Cupcakes

Introducing: Strawberry Fields
Vegan Easter Cupcakes

Floral Mother's Day Cupcakes

Bra Cupcakes

Lady bug theme cups

~Pretty In Pink Theme Birthday 4 Twin Girls~

Marshmallow Cupcake

Parklife Worthing West Sussex UK

Strawberry Milles Feuilles (Napoleon) Cupcakes

'gingerbread' cupcakes

Parklife Worthing West Sussex UK

Hot Dog Cupcake

Wedding cupcakes
Homemade is Better

Mini chocolate cupakes with buttercream and sprinkles
LoveLane Display...

Birthday Giant Cupcake

Cupcake brigadeiro

Vintage Wedding Cupcakes

dark chocolate mini, ruffly vanilla buttercream

Mar 19.06

Blue Flower Cupcakes

Chocolate Cupcake

Oreo and citrus cupcakes

With Cherry on Top, Please!

Tiffany and co inspired cupcakes..


BEDA: I believe I can fly

I had difficulty getting to sleep last night, so instead of making myself a bedtime tea. I watched I <3 Huckabees instead.

Woke up with a fever. Had some medicine. Tried to study. Then just dosed off
Yep, terribly unproductive day. Eh. Whatcha gonna do?

Here's a video if think you make like:
It's Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies covering I believe I can fly. Totes awesome clip

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

BEDA: When the dog bites

When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don't feel so bad :) 







Tuesday, April 5, 2011

BEDA: Photo's from a month ago

These are from Soundwave. I basically only went because The Ataris were playing and then had the rest of the day for getting some sunshine: 





Monday, April 4, 2011

BEDA: One of the happiest moments of my life

I was thinking of posting this on my secret blog, but when you have a good thing - share it with the world I say :) 
It happened over the last Summer holidays... I had decided that it was time to take out all of our film photographs and scan them to my computer.
It was a heavy task.
Before the prime time of digital cameras, my mum was physically attached to her film camera. Yep. She was that annoying parent at school assemblies pushing their way to the front of stage to use up half a roll of film to capture the moment her daughter stepped out in a tree costume. (I'm just using the tree thing to paint a picture, I never got to be an actual tree.. I was never cool enough to be a tree) I remember her taking photos of other people's kids because they couldn't make, and posting it to them afterward. My mum is nice like that :)  
I got my 3 younger sisters to help me out on the largest task we have ever faced. Sorting through the thousands upon thousands of photos my mum has taken from my birth - though till the day before my dad and I dropped her camera in the Swan River on a surf catting adventure. Oops
She never let's me forget about it
The one annoying thing about the sorting process was finding all the duplicate photographs. My mum always likes to have more of something just in case (she's Asian, so naturally she's a bit of a hoarder) And I forget that with film cameras you can't view what they are going to turn out like, so there are NUMEROUS similar photos PLUS duplicates of some memories that remain to be hazy and lost in time.
My sisters and I sat around in a circle, with Mt Kodak Happy Snap in front of us (My mum became really slack with the photo albums because our lives just exploded with moments lol) We figured out a pretty solid way of putting them into some sort of time sequence:
Smaller Pile 1. Before Birth of Steff
Smaller Pile 2. Five joyful years of being the only child
Smaller Pile 3. Birth of Sister
Smaller Pile 4. Power Struggle years
Smaller Pile 5. Birth of the Twins
Smaller Pile 7. The Golden Years
Smaller Pile 6. Naked baby photos we should hide from our friends
There we were looking at all of our lost memories. Friends we had forgotten about, clothes we wanted to forget about....and the days when Dad had a significant amount of hair. I will remember this as one of the happiest moments of my life, and I'm going to share it with you:
We were bragging to each other about how cute we used to be and we laughed hysterically at the funny faces we were pulling. I found one of the twins that was absolute gold! We passed it around, laughing uncontrollably, the kind of laugh where you clutch at your sides because it hurts too much. And then like a flick of a switch I start crying. Absolutely balling my eyes out, unable to breathe properly. I had no explanation for it. Then my sisters started crying too, and we stuck a box of Kleenex on Mt Kodak and cried as hysterically as we had laughed.
When we were done, we took a break from sorting, got a cool drink and ate some baked goods. We sat and talked about the things we remember. It was nice.
It was more than nice.
It was a moment to hold on to
Here is a picture of my sisters with my Aunty Margret from the last time we had a family holiday: 


Until tomorrow Breakfast Club :)